On September 16, the Dicastery for the Doctrine of the Faith (DDF) released a new note about interreligious dialogue titled A Journey of Hope: Sixty Years of Interreligious Dialogue and Fraternity in the Light of the Conciliar Declaration Nostra Aetate
So true, Paul: "refusal from others to listen to survivors’ experiences and engage with reality as it really is." Psychiatrist and author Judith Herman, in her groundbreaking book: "Father-Daughter Incest," (1981), accurately outlines the psychology of it for *all* of us, “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social contract are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.” This is what every survivor (and loved one, allies, advocates, faithful in the pews,) battles against, the taboo to even think of it, much less speak it, and thus we are socialized to deny, suppress and bury it all, even from our own minds.
Thanks for this example of internal inconsistency within the Catholic Church, Paul. There is no moving on without facing the trauma caused by clerics and clericalism.Thanks too for your work in expanding the acknowledgement of "abuse" to include more than sexual abuse. Spiritual abuse, perpetrating it and also counting acceptance of it as holiness, is an element of our culture.
Thank you for writing this, Paul! I think a lot of people who haven't experienced abuse would never know about "the social ecology of violence" (and how they might take part in it), so it's really important you're sharing this!
This is why South Africa had the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to help heal the country and transmission into democracy after the apartheid government. Bad actors need to be held accountable - so sorry you had to endure this treatment.
Mike's comment got me thinking. You're right. People cannot face evil.
When I escaped at 19, I pleaded with someone for help, to verify my story so I could get independent financial aid in college. To help with my escape. She was a powerhouse and a leader. She was able to look me in the face, "Oh, I pretty well knew what was going on but I didn't want to lose my right to homeschool and if the government found out what was going on with you a child of a *leader*, I damn well would have. We all would have. Every last homeschooler. And you weren't more valuable than my right to ensure *my child* was safe."
Later that year, after being away for about 6 months, my mom's best friend when my bio mom had cancer, "Do you want to tell me the truth about what's going on, or do you want me to remain your mom's friend until she dies?" My bio mom had no friends. I walked away.
I did return for almost 15 years. I just wanted to *see* my old house.
When I went back the neighbor was watering her garden as she often did when I was a child.
She nearly bowled me over with a hug.
She was so glad I was alive. So glad I was well.
She'd been told I was a drug addict dying in a cult.
Then she said something that's lived in my heart, shattered, "I'm sorry. I never realized it was that bad."
At first, I thought this was simple affirmation from one person who was in a bad social situation to another, "It's ok. I know that you didn't understand."
She continued, "I never thought I'd see you again. I though you'd for sure be dead by now. Your mom made a deathbed confession. I know everything."
"What did she say?"
I saw age wash over her, the fiery twinkle vanish and a clip of icy wind, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm sorry....I can't. I can't repeat it. I can't have you say it's really true."
That moment has stood out for me.
All 3 of these women
They knew that there was evil.
Yet....they could not walk along it. They could not see it. Humans have an immense ability to ignore suffering.
My adoptive family (who did help me at 19) was shocked when I told them I was struggling a couple years ago. I revealed to them a trauma that I hadn't before. "But you move forwards. Don't dwell. Just know that youth minister is proud of you. You already overcame your childhood you have kids and a job. Where do you work again? I don't want to tell my friends you're unemployed."
So true, Paul: "refusal from others to listen to survivors’ experiences and engage with reality as it really is." Psychiatrist and author Judith Herman, in her groundbreaking book: "Father-Daughter Incest," (1981), accurately outlines the psychology of it for *all* of us, “The ordinary response to atrocities is to banish them from consciousness. Certain violations of the social contract are too terrible to utter aloud: this is the meaning of the word unspeakable.” This is what every survivor (and loved one, allies, advocates, faithful in the pews,) battles against, the taboo to even think of it, much less speak it, and thus we are socialized to deny, suppress and bury it all, even from our own minds.
Thank you Mike. That’s a precise and necessary point
Thanks for this example of internal inconsistency within the Catholic Church, Paul. There is no moving on without facing the trauma caused by clerics and clericalism.Thanks too for your work in expanding the acknowledgement of "abuse" to include more than sexual abuse. Spiritual abuse, perpetrating it and also counting acceptance of it as holiness, is an element of our culture.
Thank you for writing this, Paul! I think a lot of people who haven't experienced abuse would never know about "the social ecology of violence" (and how they might take part in it), so it's really important you're sharing this!
This is why South Africa had the Truth and Reconciliation Commission to help heal the country and transmission into democracy after the apartheid government. Bad actors need to be held accountable - so sorry you had to endure this treatment.
Mike's comment got me thinking. You're right. People cannot face evil.
When I escaped at 19, I pleaded with someone for help, to verify my story so I could get independent financial aid in college. To help with my escape. She was a powerhouse and a leader. She was able to look me in the face, "Oh, I pretty well knew what was going on but I didn't want to lose my right to homeschool and if the government found out what was going on with you a child of a *leader*, I damn well would have. We all would have. Every last homeschooler. And you weren't more valuable than my right to ensure *my child* was safe."
Later that year, after being away for about 6 months, my mom's best friend when my bio mom had cancer, "Do you want to tell me the truth about what's going on, or do you want me to remain your mom's friend until she dies?" My bio mom had no friends. I walked away.
I did return for almost 15 years. I just wanted to *see* my old house.
When I went back the neighbor was watering her garden as she often did when I was a child.
She nearly bowled me over with a hug.
She was so glad I was alive. So glad I was well.
She'd been told I was a drug addict dying in a cult.
Then she said something that's lived in my heart, shattered, "I'm sorry. I never realized it was that bad."
At first, I thought this was simple affirmation from one person who was in a bad social situation to another, "It's ok. I know that you didn't understand."
She continued, "I never thought I'd see you again. I though you'd for sure be dead by now. Your mom made a deathbed confession. I know everything."
"What did she say?"
I saw age wash over her, the fiery twinkle vanish and a clip of icy wind, "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...I'm sorry....I can't. I can't repeat it. I can't have you say it's really true."
That moment has stood out for me.
All 3 of these women
They knew that there was evil.
Yet....they could not walk along it. They could not see it. Humans have an immense ability to ignore suffering.
My adoptive family (who did help me at 19) was shocked when I told them I was struggling a couple years ago. I revealed to them a trauma that I hadn't before. "But you move forwards. Don't dwell. Just know that youth minister is proud of you. You already overcame your childhood you have kids and a job. Where do you work again? I don't want to tell my friends you're unemployed."
I'm not surprised by this, because I live this.
And I hate it.
Thank you for this!